Los Angeles

Happy 2023

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It’s been a week!

Shaka used to drive through Brentwood on his way home from a gaming company several years ago. He always loved the smell of an Italian restaurant in the vicinity but couldn’t find it.

Today, he was like, we should find that place and go.

And we were able to pinpoint where it might be. We headed out.

He asked me if I was okay since I seemed a little off.

I told him that the events of the past week have gotten me a bit blue.

I had time off between Christmas and New Year’s and was focused on the jury duty summons I received right before the break.

It would be for the first week of 2023. I didn’t want to go. I tried to meditate on the idea I would not get the call, but it was always in the back of my mind.

I had fantastic lunches and get togethers with friends and family.

From the new Academy Museum with Mads, Nat and Zappy, to a Duffy Boat ride in Huntington Beach canals with CW and her family, From a brunch and some stretching sessions with Penny, to a celebratory lunch with my writing partner C! From a beautiful catch up brunch with Faye at AllTime in Los Feliz to a Christmas Eve dinner with my relatives. We found ourselves on Christmas Day going to Shaka’s friend, Wolfie’s open house drop in. Her friends are the most eclectic group of creatives you will find. I was chatting with a conductor, a comic and a stunt woman all before we headed out to hang with Shaka’s family for a Christmas that would rival any you see on screen.

The holidays were wonderful and I felt so grateful.

During a delicious dinner at Mozza on 1/1/23 with Zappy, Mads and our hubbies, I told them how it’s important to be grateful for every moment we have since we don’t know when it will be our last.

Even if your life is long, life can seem short. I bet if you asked older people about their memories, it would feel to them that some of those moments happened last week.

I blah blah blahed about how this was the first holiday season in 4 years I wasn’t in treatment and wasn’t in pain.

They nodded in agreement as we sipped our lambrusco.

The next day, I was going to visit Leigh, who btw has breast cancer and is in treatment, to give her her Christmas gifts.

I went to Trader Joe’s to pick up some tulips for her. No lie, it felt like many of the other shoppers were in a zombie state. No one seemed like they had ever shopped before. After getting my items, I hightailed it out of there.

On my way home, as I was waiting to turn left onto my side street, a car at the stop sign FROM said side street was also waiting for the traffic to clear.

As the cars subsided, I made the turn. I happened to notice that car at the stop sign was now headed right for my car. I tried to finish my turn and was actually shocked that he hit me. In my car, now facing the other direction that it had previously been facing and having done some donuts on the main drag, I pulled onto the side street to get my self acclimated to what was to come.

The guy who hit me pulled up behind me. We exchanged info. My car looked to have minimal damage while his car looked like it had hit a brick wall.

I ended up taking Shaka’s car to Leigh’s after I called my insurance.

It was a nice evening. Almost made me forget the accident and the jury duty that awaited me.

Fast forward back to tonight. Shaka asks me how I am doing.

I tell him. First and foremost, I am grateful that the accident wasn’t more severe. I am also grateful that jury duty was complete without me having to go in (woo hoo)! I also had a mammogram that was normal and good!

But still dealing with my car repairs and my upcoming cystoscopy (to go in to see if my bladder from the previous treatments still looks good) as well as work and other stupid regular adulting items that were keeping my brain occupied.

Him listening helped a lot.

I felt a little release.

One of the things I told a friend recently is that no one gets off scott free in this life. The people who make it look easy, just sometimes make it look easy. Doesn’t mean they don’t have issues. I remind myself of this daily. And if sometimes, it actually IS easier for you than others, man, you should really feel the gratitude then.

So as we pull into this restaurant, wondering if it is the same one Shaka used to smell on his way home, we take a chance.

As he opens the door, I half expect it’s gonna be locked since it appears to be dead inside.

My bad.

It’s not full by any means at this time, but there is a lively bday celebration happening with silver haired, black glasses wearing industry types near us.

Our server Arturo is awesome and greets us like we’re old friends.

He knows all the people who enter the restaurant after us. There is a family that comes in. They are meeting another family but there’s isn’t enough room at one table for all of them. The kids will sit at a table near us and the adults will sit at a table on the other side of us.

The dad, a Bill Hader looking dude tells us the kids will behave.

The place starts to fill up with all kinds of Brentwood, Sunday evening, new year, rainy day patrons. We feel like we were dropped into a borrowed lifestyle.

Shaka is so happy with this place, the martinis, the garlic bread and the vibe. He looks at me and says, “I won the lottery with you!”

Aw, my response, “How so?”

Yeah, I am annoying, like that. Sue me… it’s been a tough week. Hahaha.

He tells me all the reasons we work well together. I agree, We are holding hands like it’s our first date.

I use the restroom.

Then Shaka needs to use the restroom.

He comes back and says, “Hey you know the Bill Hader looking dad? He was filming in the bathroom.”

“What? Are you sure he wasn’t watching something on his phone?”

“Well, that’s weird in a bathroom to do anyway. But it looked like he was filming me and I said, ‘hey, how about you don’t roll film on people in the bathroom.'”

“What did he say”

“He said, ‘what what?'”

Okay, so this borrowed lifestyle may have some kinks to work out. Or Shaka misread the scene but he usually doesn’t.

Our server, Arturo asks if we are in a hurry. When we tell him no, he brings some dessert wine to the table.

Yum. But like Cinderella feeling the pang of the clock, I feel like we gotta make our way home. It’s been a pleasure and a delicious one at that.

But tomorrow I gotta still deal with this accident nonsense.

We drive back over the Sepulveda Pass with the cool, post-rain air tickling our faces.

I am grateful. And even though my blah blah blahing on NYD was about feeling the gratitude in every moment, I truly mean it.

And even though my car got hit the next day, I still feel it.

I mean, I got to spend an amazing break with people I love, I didn’t have to serve jury duty, I have my health and tonight, I got to spend a fabulous meal with my honey with a crazy tableau of characters to watch.

2023 is off to an interesting start…and I am here for it!

Happy new year, everyone! Hope the start of your year is filled with fun, adventure, health, laughs and lots of abundance!

Interloping In My Own Weekend

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Once, on a vacation to Palm Springs with Mads and Jazzy, we didn’t do our usual ritual of renting a midcentury modern home with a pool. I think funds were low or we couldn’t get enough people together. So we stayed at a cute little motel turned hotel with a motel-ish like pool. It was nice. But Mads being Mads said we should head to the Parker Palm Springs and use their pool. Jazzy and I were a little nervous at the idea of being a trespasser and the potential following embarrassment. But Mads assured us this was gonna be great. She was right. No one kicked us out and we enjoyed a nice pool-side afternoon. For me, it was during a lean time where Shaka was between gigs and I hadn’t fully understood how to best use our resources. I found myself being covetous of anyone looking like they were having a good time with money.

One of the things I noticed at the Parker pool that day was watching room service being delivered to the guests. Men and women in crisp uniforms bringing coffee in silver French presses to rooms just beyond my view. I was so envious that this wasn’t my life. I have since learned how to harness every moment as “my life.” Because it is. I mean, there I was at the Parker swimming among the people drinking their cocktails, looking no different than they were. Maybe they were interlopers too!!!

My thought patterns have changed from those days. I went through the Katification process where I started to shift my thinking. I even bought a silver French press to have at home.

Which is a long way to lead me into this past weekend. Of being grateful of the moments of luxury, of privilege, of health, of safety, of friendships and…well, just being grateful for all that is working.

During Quarantine, Shaka and I have been good about staying home, masking up and social distancing. For a very socially busy gal, this has had some challenges. But having lost a few people in my life to Covid and knowing I am very lucky to be able to WFH, I have weathered the tougher moments.

Shaka and I have had our first doses and are excited that we can start to do more things in the world like we used to very soon.

My hair hadn’t been cut since September 2019. I tried to do some DIY cutting but it…well…it wasn’t good.

Like many stylists, my usual hair woman, had to open and close as the state determined it. Once she was able to open for a longer stint, her appts booked up. I really needed my hair cut and it looked like it would be awhile before I could get in to see her.

In the back of my head, whenever I would look at pictures from 10 years ago, I would notice how I LOVED my cuts from a woman named Nikki. She worked in a mall hair place and she was masterful. I went to her several times. And then, poof, just like that, she moved to San Francisco. I never knew her last name.

When I saw that my usual cutter was so booked up, I tried to locate Nikki. I deep dove. I finally FINALLY found a woman who looked like it could be her but there was no mention of the mall salon so I wasn’t sure.

I DM’d her. I waited.

I got a response back and it was the Nikki I had been looking for!!!!!! Happy dance happy dance!!!

I finally got an appointment! She owns a salon with 2 other stylists in West Hollywood. Her prices had gone way up from when I had seen her 10 years ago but she should have charged more back then because she gave the kind of cuts that always had people stopping me to compliment my hair.

I didn’t care. I was going to pay it. I had thought about this for so long.

So this past weekend, I woke up and made my silver French press coffee and was excited for my day.

Without having gone to any kind of salon or nail place or facial place or massage place this past year, I dipped my toe into the world and saw Nikki!

Her salon is located near the iconic (not sure why it’s a number one tourist spot) Paul Smith pink wall.

The result: I loved reconnecting with her! I loved the cut! I loved the salon!!! I loved being out in the world again (even with a mask)!

I couldn’t resist and took a selfie in front of a wall on a side street after my appointment (you can see the Paul Smith wall in the reflection of my sunglasses).

Later that evening, Mads and ST8 had Zappy, Roni and Shaka and me over for the first time in a long time. Half the group is fully vaccinated and the other half is partially but we work from home. We ordered Lala’s take out and had a really nice evening of catching up, good food and good company on Mads’s patio. The weather felt like summer was upon us and the night blooming jasmine filled our noses. Our social skills, or at least mine, need a little bit of a refresh because there are moments when I seem like an awkward clod. But if the others noticed, they didn’t point it out. The only thing they made fun of was me trying to photograph Mads and her puppy in low light. And even though the pup wasn’t moving, he was blurry in every shot! But Mads wasn’t. ST8 finally said, “just stop…you’re embarrassing yourself,” which only made me want to keep doing it.

The next morning, I got up early to read some audition sides with Faye. She has had numerous auditions and when she needs to read on camera in her apartment, she asks a handful of people to read the other lines via the phone.

This particular morning, there were 4 auditions! And we did it in an hour!!!! I was so happy to help and to get to chat with her. She’s so good at her craft and me, well, I enjoy exercising that muscle memory of a long gone career choice.

After we hung up, Leigh called. We had tentatively planned to go to the beach. But this particular Sunday, the skies were gray and it felt a little chilly.

She still wanted to go. I debated about wearing a swimsuit under my clothes but decided in favor of it, even if I probably wouldn’t put more than my feet in the April cold ocean.

I drove separately from them to Santa Monica. I went into one parking lot by accident and happened upon a crazy scene of masked couples doing group yoga and modern dance with no music. I wondered if I was high. I wasn’t. But I was in the wrong lot, so I made my way to where I was to meet up with Leigh and her family.

Crazily, the weather was better at the beach. The skies were blue and there was a slight breeze.

Her daughters donned their wet suits and went into the water. Leigh and AJ and I lounged on the sand and chatted about life, movies and bitcoins. Leigh said that many of the people in her company are in landlocked parts of the country. For them, this would be a vacation. For us, it’s Sunday. I soaked in the gratitude along with the vitamin D.

Finally, I decided to see how the water was. Her daughters were thrilled. It took awhile but I finally was playing in the water dunked head and all. Leigh and AJ were napping side by side on the blankets. Her daughters and I had really cool conversations. I told them about how an actor on a show we all like was in a play with Faye and that I met him. I actually DM’d him on IG and he responded with the nicest message back. Leigh’s 9 year old screamed out to the ocean, “He DM’d YOU? That is so cool! I wanna DM SOMEONE!!!!” and we laughed.

After many hours of beach time, we went our separate ways. Leigh and her family to Porto’s, and I back to Shaka. It was the opposite of Sundayitis. I felt invigorated! I felt grateful! I felt so happy.

My nose and cheeks, despite having had sunscreen on, started to show a rouge I didn’t expect. I was exhausted. It had been quite a weekend. Not just from the actual socializing and activities, but also all the mental excitement of living a life that felt familiar but still not quite mine.

Just like the afternoon at the Parker Hotel pool, I felt like I had interloped into another person’s life.

However, this time, I knew it was my own.

Micro Movements

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I am a lot!

Like, a lot of dramatic energy, a lot of positive energy, a lot of pushiness, a lot of love, a lot of impatience and a lot of, well…me.

I bring a lot to a party. I have also been known to dampen it with my energy if I am in a mood or sad.

Shaka is my counterbalance. He has an awesome, warm, patient, calm energy. Our differences work for us.

But when we first started dating, I took his “let’s wait and see” approach to be something that needed my “umph.”

It didn’t. Well, sometimes it did, cuz, let’s face it, things get done around me. But there is a lot to be said for things getting DONE in their own time and not on my agenda.

During quarantine, I have had to come to many realizations.

I wrote in my previous post about how being stuck in an apartment affected my body.

One of the issues that arose from sitting so much was an irritation of the facet joint near my tail bone.

I went to PT and he gave me some exercises. I tell ya, these didn’t feel like they were doing anything. ANYTHING!

It didn’t seem to get better, it didn’t seem to get worse. It just…stayed the same. But diligently, I did my series of exercises, morning and evening. The PT said, they are micro movements but have a big effect after awhile.

One morning, the pain was just gone. GONE!!!!!

Micro movements seemed to be the key I had never known I needed. But I guess it makes sense. You don’t usually go into debt overnight. It’s a trickle, then a flood. You don’t usually gain weight overnight either. It’s from a series of small choices that end up taking over in the long run.

This past weekend, Shaka and I had a zoom call with another couple (Cor and Sar) who are into healing and meditation like we are.

We discussed a lot of things like, what makes something valuable to you. And how quarantine made us look at the hamster wheel we were on before the shut down. Now, as things open up, we had become more judicious with our time and our choices. It’s more deliberate.

The other thing we talked about is how Sar and I have big personalities. We both like to push the envelope and MAKE things happen. Whereas Shaka and Cor are much more measured and chill.

Sar and I, perhaps adopting some of our husbands’ traits, have noticed some positive changes from sitting back a bit. That sometimes, doing nothing while still maintaining a vibration of action, can be quite effective. It’s letting go and replacing “efforting” with downstream thinking.

These past three weeks have been some of the most painful physically for me. But in the midst of that, there were a number of things that I really really wanted to put my energy towards. And then I released it.

The result has been almost magical. I got MORE than I could have asked for.

Situations ended up being better than I could have imagined!

I realized, it’s not that I stopped caring about what I wanted. I just stopped trying to control how I got it.

Micro movements were at hand. I had already done the work, and now it was time to let the puzzle pieces fall into place without me micro managing.

And for someone who thinks, moves and acts big, this sudden excitement over anything micro was a surprise.

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around trying to achieve something without feeling the pressure.

Sometimes you NEED to feel that pressure.

And sometimes, as I am learning, success comes with a series of small acts, moments, movements that if done correctly, can feel so good in a macro way!

On the Level

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I know that Body dysmorphic disorder is a real thing for many people.

I don’t have it.

But I have something like it…in reverse.

Recently, I had my blood work done and though all the numbers were great, I have high cholesterol. It’s been creeping up over the past decade, but in general, it doesn’t run in my family and I eat a diet that they usually give people to lower their numbers. I do eat sugar even though my sugar numbers were looking good in my lab work. But I am overweight. Slightly chubby. Always have been. Perhaps a little heavier than I used to be.

My docs wanted me to go on medication for the cholesterol. I said no. I know that it is because I have not had a lot of movement in my life this past year. Being able to work from home, there were days I never went outside. My apartment isn’t big, so mathematically speaking, I didn’t get a lot of activity.

When I saw the high numbers, I agreed with the docs that I would start walking and working out regularly and get retested.

So a-walking I went.

Every day. Almost. But pretty consistently. Most days, I was logging 10,000 steps. But because of the lack of movement from this past year, I also had some back issues from my WFH set up. Boy, it was a perfect storm of feeling like my body wasn’t working with me.

But I persevered through the PT exercises and kept at the walking.

I haven’t been retested yet, but I am hoping that the numbers will be different when I do.

In the process, I have started to lose inches and a little bit of weight.

Shaka noticed it first. Then my friend, Christia noticed it when she saw me. A co-worker mentioned that she had noticed it on our last zoom call.

I…didn’t notice.

In fact, when I looked in the mirror, all I saw was how far I still had to go to look like I thought I currently looked!!!

I was walking with Faye and telling her about this. She laughed and said that it must be a great place to be. She knew too many people who actually had body dysmorphic disorder and that it’s a really dark mindset to have. I told her that my mindset was troubling too. I blamed the way I looked on the dryer shrinking my clothes or someone not knowing the right angle when photographing me. Even selfies I blamed on the angle or the lighting, etc.

It was disturbing to not be aware that I had gotten so large.

How had I missed this? I wasn’t leveling with myself.

The brain is a funny mistress. She will convince you of whatever you want her to.

The other day, I actually thought I looked thinner and was kind of afraid to ask Shaka in case it’s my brain rewiring how I see things.

I didn’t ask him.

Out of the blue he mentioned that he noticed it.

I am so far from where I want to be. But at the moment, the actual reward isn’t being thinner because that wasn’t the goal. It’s to get my muscles back in action and to be healthy.

Mads and ST8 asked if I wanted to join them on one of their walks in the hills. I was like, YEAH, cuz I knew I would be able to handle it better than say, 5 months ago.

Um…so word to the wise…hills are different than flat ground!

It didn’t matter how much I had been walking prior to this, cuz if you aren’t adding in levels, you will plateau pretty quickly.

I felt like a 400 pound man trying to lug my limbs up their hills. Mads said, “We can walk slower. Take your time.” And we did, but I was huffing and puffing and they weren’t breaking a sweat or a hitch in their breathing. ST8 does this walk daily. My fitbit counted it as 45 flights of stairs. Mads asked, “how many flights do you normally do in a day?”

“4”, I wheezed.

She giggled. I would have joined her, but I needed to focus on the new pains in my legs. Oh and to keep breathing.

Faye walks this kind of hilly climb daily as well. When she and I went walking (on flattish ground), I knew that hills or…levels, were going to be the next hurdle for me.

Then my next round of treatments for the bladder kancer happened.

The first session was perfect. No pain with the catheter and minimal pain after.

The second and third week, however, oof. I mean, I am barely able to leave the house from the pain at the moment.

All I am dreaming about now, is the walks.

The main thing I am coming to terms with is that every day is a new chance to work on improvement.

Or just to take a rest when I need to. To stay aware of what my body is really doing. I thought I was getting arthritis at some point last year, but it turns out…now that I have been working out more, I think it was just my muscles pretending we weren’t on speaking terms.

I have introduced my brain and my body back together. It’s not like they are getting along, but they at least say hi to each other.

Once the pain from this round of treatments subsides, I will be out there again in the gorgeous LA spring air, smelling the night blooming jasmine and feeling the strength come back to my limbs. And I will try and get the courage to attack those levels…er hills.

I am heavier and older than I used to be. But I am definitely more content.

I think Faye is right. It is a much happier place to be thinking I look good than bad.

But it has to come with a conscious thought and not delusion. Leveling out my perceptions and the realities has been a welcome change.

And that is an incline I am finally ready for.

In Pursuit of Light

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We are now many months into this pandemic.

Currently, there is a comet passing by earth. Shaka and I drove out Saturday night to see if we could catch a glimpse of it. Try and avoid a lot of light, face NNW and make sure it’s right after sunset. But of course, it could be an hour and a half after sunset. Or it could be the middle of the night. You might see it if you are in the mountains or better if you are looking towards the horizon. If you miss it, you will have to wait another 6800 years and I just don’t think I have that kind of patience. We didn’t see it Saturday. We will go again tonight. And if we still fail, we will go again tomorrow.

I feel like this pandemic is like trying to chase this comet. You keep doing things right, do what you’re told, hope for an outcome, but you don’t really know if you’re doing it right. You have to hope.

So day after day, in this pandemic, I buckle down in my new normal. Some days feel easy and then others, I cry at a stoopid commercial that isn’t even meant to be sad.

I am fortunate that I still have a job and CAN work from home. The learning curve of making my dining room table and my slow computer do what my work computer can do was quite arduous. I still haven’t exactly found my groove. Work has been crazy, so I don’t feel like AHHHHH I get to chill and go for walks all day long. It’s actually been a bit of a process trying to figure out a routine that keeps me sane and keeps the dead butt syndrome away.

I can’t believe how much time has passed living in this strange new reality. At first, I was like, I will lose weight, learn a language and also become famous with some amazing viral thing I do. But I gained, lost and gained and plateaued. I didn’t learn a new language. And as for being famous, my friends Faye and Leigh separately laughed like, well, what have you done to BE virally famous? And I was like, I dont know…I thought I would have found it by now. I refuse to get tik-tok, so I watch from the sidelines as hilarious Sarah Cooper gains comedic steam. That isn’t to say she wouldn’t have been famous otherwise or take away from her genius, but her timing with both her rise and her imitations are to be respected.

There is a lot going on right now. Lots of emotions, tension, ridiculous political stances about not wearing a mask (yeah, I said it – wear a f&*king mask, you dolts!), protests for civil rights (YES), militia kidnapping people in Portland (WTF?), family members getting sick from Covid, arguments with other family members who I believe are on the wrong side of history and health, weird medical stuff for me, Shaka and the cats, missing going out with my friends, missing travel (we were supposed to have gone to Europe this past Spring), missing cocktails being made by someone who isn’t me or Shaka, etc. I know others have it much worse and I sound like a brat throwing a tantrum.

So instead of focusing on what I am missing out on, I wanted to write about the things that have been keeping my spirits and energy up (let’s be honest – it’s mostly media).

– TV/FILM —- There are a lot of options at the moment for tv/films what with all the various streaming platforms. Here are some we have enjoyed during this quarantine (links provided).

  • We got a month of Disney+ to watch Hamilton (we had seen it live at the Pantages in Hollywood a few years ago). I loved it so much! Even though I love Jonathan Groff…what was with the spitting? It grossed me out so much. I wonder if others had to use a different mic from him after he would record for Frozen or Frozen 2. In this time of Covid, all germy things seem more apparent.

We also enjoyed “The Mandalorian.”

And then Shaka made me watch “The Shaggy Dog”, which was actually kind of             fun. Though I was like,  we are NOT watching old Disney stuff.

  • Which led us to “The Imagineering Story” which was pretty much OLD Disney stuff. But it was so interesting. Keep in mind, it’s told about Disney BY Disney
  • We have been binge watching “Community” which has made me very happy. As the seasons go on, I highly recommend taking edibles, cuz I am pretty sure the writers did.
  • Perry Mason (reboot on HBO) and Penny Dreadful: City of Angels (on Showtime), if you are feeling like you need to see more of LA’s crime and racial tensions but in a different era.
  • “Palm Springs” on Hulu!  Oh man, I was truly missing my girls trip to PS this year, so I would have watched this even if it didn’t have Andy Samberg or wasn’t a comedy or even good. But thankfully, I loved it!!!!!! It doesn’t replace the trip, but it’s a pretty good consolation. Zappy said that when she watched it, it was really hot here in LA and made her NOT want to be in an even  hotter desert. If you watch it and want to re-watch it, I highly recommend taking edibles cuz I am pretty sure the writers did.
  • Of course, “Insecure”, “Better Things”, and “Killing Eve” which have nothing to do with one another except that I love them, they are all shot gorgeously and have amazing casts and interesting story lines. Honorable mention is “Dead to Me”
  • There are more but I can’t for the life of me remember cuz my brain is melting…or too many edibles.

– MUSIC —– Mads, Shaka, ST8 and I have been randomly texting each other our music finds. When I finally create one of my shows, I want Mads and Shaka’s friend Shawn to be the music supervisors on them. But ST8 is a one-man show of knowing good music and knowing the stories behind them. He is also an Angelino and has a long history with music here. He definitely needs a podcast, and when he starts one, you definitely need to listen. Stuff we have shared back and forth

You can kind of feel the nostalgic, vacation vibe we have all been going for.

–  BEAUTY (I have been buying various beauty items. No need for as much lipstick when you put on a mask but I have bought some pretty colors anyway. I also have a lot of great hair and skincare purchases. If you’re interested, let me know. Otherwise, I am only listing the following)

  • Static Nails – I can’t paint my nails well at all. So I finally gave in and decided to try the press-on nails from Static Nails. My nails look AMAZING! I just wish I had somewhere to go because Shaka is sick of telling me “they look great” and I am not sick of asking how they look. hahahaha. Lowkey, I am still shit at doing my nails because I think I glued some of my skin to the nails underneath but trial and error. hahahahaha. ouch.

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– SOCIAL MEDIA – here are some of my fave vlogs and IG sites

  • The Sorry Girls – DIY stuff, Canadian, fun.
  • Penn Smith Skincare – she knows skin, she offers dupes to expensive products and explains things in a great way. And she’s based in PDX (which I am usually drawn to having gone to school there).
  • Best Dressed – this young woman has a lot of self doubt and stream of consciousness way of talking. BUT she is such an artist and I love her aesthetic for design and filmmaking.
  • Mary Elizabeth – love her style, her personality and her design upgrades.
  • DNice – awesome DJ that has kept me sane during this crazy time. His Club Quarantine mixes are so much fun. I dare you not to start moving your body.
  • Norah, Yarah and Rosa – hip hop dancing sisters from Holland
  • Alia – so this is a convergence of different things. My (former) belly dance teacher, Eshta makes gorgeous dance costumes and various items (also face masks  D4954EED-FF70-4DE1-8A6A-BDCA7406F786 I get so many compliments on this). She made a costume for this dancer Alia and mentioned it on fb because Alia was featured in Vogue. I looked her up. She is not only stunning and a captivating dancer, but she is also such a luscious skater. I reached out to my friend, Christia. I am co-directing a music video for her that had to be put on hold but which we will resume another time post quarantine. It features a lot of roller skating. I told Christia to check out Alia. Turns out that Christia (a dancer) was also wanting to get into belly dancing and after watching Alia’s skating footage, I now want to start skating. If you happen to see two Pisces skating and/or belly dancing, you will know it’s us. I just need to find cute skates for these big feet of mine. When I told my sister, she said, “do you remember that Dad broke his hip trying to impress a woman by roller blading? Nothing says youth like a hip replacement.” I will not be deterred. The cool thing is that Alia films and is filmed by another skater Neon Keon and their footage is lovely and fluid cuz they are filming WHILE skating. And I love their music choices too!

So that’s a smidge of things that have been keeping my happiness flowing.

It’s hard, you know? A huge part of who I am is being social. I love seeing the world and interacting in it. I love connecting with my friends and family. I just have to stay in touch as much as I can with people and keep a routine that doesn’t feel so cave-persony.

It’s tiring when every day feels the same, but my goal (besides being virally famous), is to try and make every day have a moment that has never happened before. Kind of like chasing a comet. Even if you don’t actually see it, the trek will be a little outing that you can tell stories about. But I hope we see it so I can tell you about THAT.

Star Cluster

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I was going to write about this when it happened. And then my birthday extravaganza took place. And then the Stay in Place orders came.

So, today, I will write about it, though it feels like a lifetime ago.

My dad sometimes drives these senior tour groups and on this particular week, the group was in Los Angeles.

They were going to be at the Griffith Observatory one evening. It had been awhile since I had been up there at night. One memory of the sort was when I spent the day with a friend’s kids (twin boy and girl) who were around 10 years old. We explored Hollywood and had lunch and then found ourselves at the Observatory at dusk. On this particular evening, the twins and I saw a line for the Zeiss Telescope. We joined the line and weren’t too far from the front but the line wasn’t moving. The telescope would be open soon, they assured us. This was good, since I hadn’t planned to have the twins out so late on a Sunday. But we waited and waited. Whispers among the adults. Apparently, there are only a handful of people in the world who know how to operate this telescope.telescope

The guy that whose shift was about to begin wasn’t there. And he wasn’t answering his phone. And he seemed to have disappeared. His back up lived kind of far, but they were trying to get him there. The kids were restless but not enough so to want to leave. FINALLY, someone arrived (not sure if it was Operator #1 or his back up) and we took our turn at stargazing through the giant telescope.

As we were leaving, there were several people on the lawn who had their own, personal telescopes out for the public to look through. We wandered up to one guy.

“What is is your telescoped aimed at,” I asked.

In a voice like the comic book store dude on the Simpsons, he replied, “Star Cluster.”

Twin Girl asks, “What’s a star cluster?”

But he heard, “Which Star Cluster?” and proceeded to tell us the numerical name with a manic smugness.

Twin Girl confused by his answer, asked, “What’s that?”

Telescope guy replied, “It’s a STAR CLUSTER!” and proceeded to laugh at his own humor. Twin Girl looks at me. I look back at her with an expression that says, I don’t get it either. We look through the lens at the star cluster. It’s a cluster of stars. It’s pretty cool. As we get in the car, we can’t stop laughing.

We make fun of this interaction for years. FOR YEARS!

Back to current day (pre-Covid Shut Down).

Shaka and I arrive at the Observatory before my dad and his group do. I am shocked that you have to pay for parking up there now. And not just in the lot, but along the road, even if you are quite away down the hill. Parking went from being free to $10/hour. It threw me. So much so, that when I am putting my money into the meter and choosing how long we want to be there, I promptly forget how much it is per hour and I put in 3 hours. Oh well…I mean, I don’t love that I did that, but what’s done is done. I take the parking slip and put it on the dashboard.

We wander up to the lawn where we see several people with their telescopes set up for the public to look through. That part hasn’t changed. What is different, is that each telescope has a little e-board letting you know what they are aimed at.

I gasp. I grab Shaka’s shoulder. There is a little e-board that says, “Star Cluster” and I start laughing. I get in line. I can’t tell if it’s the same guy or not. A woman in front of me asks him about something bright in the sky. “What is that?”

And in that same voice we have been imitating for nearly a decade, he says, “what do YOU think it is?”

She guesses. He says, No

Another person guesses. He says, No.

And yet, another person guesses. He says, No.

As he slightly giggles to himself like Rumpelstiltskin, I blurt out (not sure if I am correct or not), “That’s Venus,” and I take my turn at the lens and look at the Star Cluster.

“Well, yes…that is Venus.” I feel a little bad, but not not a lot bad. I ask him why he loves the Star Cluster.

He says, “My friends make fun of me since I go on about them, but I mean…how can you not? It’s a CLUSTER…of STARS!”

I guess he’s right. When you think of how many of our suns would make up a cluster, it’s pretty cool. I think of the synchronicity of things coming together and joining up to create that experience.

My dad shows up and we wander around the inside and the outside of the Observatory. It is busier than I would imagine. Its not a holiday. It’s the middle of the week and the parking is $$$$. But the crowds are here. I start snapping the evening skyline below us with my dad’s phone (at that point, I was having phone envy with everyone’s newer devices).

My dad was trying to wrangle his group who had already had a tour-filled day. They were heading back to their hotel. Shaka and I decided we would head out too.

My dad’s bus wasn’t too far from ours. He hadn’t paid for his parking and in typical fashion for him, no ticket.

We get in our car with a good amount of time remaining on our parking pass. Up ahead, I see my dad’s bus pull away and another large van park where he had been. We see the driver of the van get out and look at the signs. I could almost feel his disappointment at the prices, as I watched his shoulders slump with a sigh. We pull up next to him.

We ask if he’s planning to be there awhile. His foreign accent is thick and he tells us that his job brought him down here from Seattle and all he wanted to do was see the Observatory but hadn’t had time all week. He was leaving in the morning.

“Not sure how long you wanted to be here, but here’s our parking pass with an hour and a half left on it. Hopefully, you will get to see something you wanted tonight,” Shaka says.

His face lights up!

“Thank you so much! I hadn’t gotten paid on the job yet. Bless you both!!!!”

He fist bumps Shaka as we drive away.

I never felt so good to overpay for parking.

As the city twinkled below us and the stars twinkled above us, we made our way back home.

 

 

 

 

Mondegreen

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Mondegreen  is a mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase as a result of near-homophony, in a way that gives it a new meaning. Mondegreens are most often created by a person (ME) listening to a poem or a song; the listener, being unable to clearly hear a lyric, substitutes words that sound similar and make some kind of sense.

So does that make me a Mondegreener?

It almost sounds like the french phrase, “Mon Dieu”, like when you’ve heard something incredulous.

I have always messed lyrics up. And sometimes conversations.

I didn’t know it was SOOO obvious. I thought I could play it off like I have been drinking and become the ditz. Cuz let’s be honest…I sound drunk even when I am sober.

Jazzy hadn’t hosted us in awhile, so we were thrilled that she decided to throw an Oscar soiree for Zappy, Roni, Shaka, Mads and me.

I had seen most of the movies this year (which by the way, doesn’t make it easier to vote for the winners). I almost didn’t want to participate because Roni ALWAYS wins. And I am not good at losing.

But the looks that Mads, Jazzy and Zappy gave me of not participating almost felt worse than losing AGAIN. So I forked over $ and Shaka and I played along.

Jazzy is such a good hostess.

jazzy oscars

I told her that I hadn’t been there in a lonnnnng time and that it makes me sad cuz she throws the best parties.

She said, “Oh, well, I am not sad. My bf (she actually said his name and not “bf”, cuz that would be weird) and I are happy here doing things at home.”

And I said, “I don’t care if YOU’RE sad! I said, ‘I’m sad!'”

And then we all laughed at my sadness.

The food was great! The desserts were yummy! The drinks were flowing. And RONI WAS STILL WINNING! Arggggh.

Then that bizarre Eminem performance came on and we all looked at the tv like,

reactions

Not really, but we were wondering if the drinks had made us believe it was 2002.

I start singing “Lose Yourself” at the commercial break.

“Snap back to reality/  Oh there goes gravity /  Oh there goes gravity”

Zappy looks at me and says, “It’s ‘oh there goes Rabbit, he…'”

I was like, “WHAAAAA??”

Turns out, we were both right. I just was stuck on that one line.

Roni and Zappy tied the Oscar pool and decided to donate their winnings to Jazzy for the party (they are better people than I am…lol)

But Shaka and I did pose for my fake win for best actress.

shaka and me at oscars party

I was telling him about the Oops there goes gravity line and he laughed and said, “don’t I know it. you do that all the time.”

I was like, “WHAAAAA??”

Then, skip skip skip to a few weeks later, Shaka and I are on a mini-road trip to Ventura. “Hopelessly Devoted To You” comes on (I have no idea what we were listening to – Spotify? youtube?)

When I was a kid, I was OBSESSED with “Grease.” They even filmed part of it at my high school and I was so excited to pick out the parts where they sing different scenes. I used to have a book called a FotoNovel of the film.

fotonovel

I had the album. I saw the movie many times. I dressed up as Sandy (after her transformation) for Halloween.

Me as sandy

I was an expert is what I am trying to say.

So we’re in the car listening to Hopelessly Devoted to You. And I am singing loudly along.

But now there’s no way to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I’m nodding my head hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you

And I say to Shaka, “why is she ‘nodding’ her head? I think she means to say. ‘shaking her head’, like she can’t believe it’s happening.”

Shaka looks at me. Thinks for a minute (probably about how he is married to someone whose view of the world around her is so vastly removed from reality) and says,

“What are you talking about?”

“You know, that part, where she sings ‘I’m nodding my head, hopele…”

“Stop stop…it’s ‘I’m outta my head.”

“WHAAAA? No. It can’t be.” And then I think for a minute and am like, “well…I’ll be. that makes more sense. All these years. Wow. Put it on again so I can sing it differently.”

And Shaka shook, not nodded, his head.

And I, in a french accent exclaimed, “Mondegreen!”

Get Hammered

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So I admit that I was reading too quickly when I saw that the Hammer Museum was opening an exhibit for Paul McCarthy called Headspace, I misread it. I was like, cool, a Beatle does art. I’ll check it out.

I invited Faye to join me. I had never been to the Hammer before and Faye had yet to visit an LA museum since she moved here. Win-Win. When she asked me what the exhibit was, I actually couldn’t even remember that I had thought it was Paul McCartney. I told her I didn’t know, but that it was an opening and…why not.

Why not, indeed. Whenever Faye and I get together, we have fun.

The weather was clear, the roads weren’t cloggy and anything could happen.

I picked her up and we caught up and chatted about all her current activities. Faye is an actress living her best life here in LA. She and I met doing theater in Portland several moons ago. She is so good that she moved to LA and didn’t need to get a job doing anything else. Her hustle is legit and she works EVERY DAY! So I like hearing about this voice over gig and that audition and this film and that commercial and this awards show and that theater role. Plus, she had just had some friends visiting so I got to hear about how she took them all over LA, like I had once taken her. But with her own spin on it, naturally.

We got to Westwood and started looking for parking. I wasn’t worried. We would find the best space. But we drove around a few times. I got disorientated. But then…voila! Space found. Almost like valet. not really. But not…not really.

She had just gotten the iphone 11 and I, with my phone envy, got very excited over the camera features.

We wandered into various exhibits and sat in crazy swivel chairs that I knew I was going to break or fall out of (I didn’t).

Dude in one of the swivel art chairs

Then we continued chatting as we entered each exhibit. One was really cool where it was photographs deconstructed in a way that looked like salacious parts of the body but in reality was like a knuckle or a belly button.

I kept saying, “that’s a penis. Or a butthole.”

And Faye would point out my mistake. “That’s a belly button.”

“Oh, but that one there is definitely a butthole…and a penis.”

“Uh, wrong again. You seem to be able to see ONLY those two things.”

I laughed. But wondered why my brain was stuck in 8 year old boy mode.

Then we entered the Paul McCarthy exhibit.

I once saw the Basquiat exhibit at MOCA with Mads and I had to leave the room because the energy coming off the canvas was so dark and negative that I couldn’t breathe (sue me, I am dramatic), but in the same museum, I was admiring Warhol’s suicide/death series and was like, “hmmmmm, interesting.” I loved the film about Basquiat, but that exhibit was too intense. I don’t even remember what the paintings were of. So it’s not subject matter, apparently, it’s how it makes me feel.

And McCarthy’s work felt aggressive and like he was working some stuff out of his soul.

And then Faye says, “Well, here’s your penis. And your butthole. And there is another one. You were in the wrong exhibit.” And we laughed as we hightailed it outta there.

We drank some wine. Took in the people-watching. Took snaps with her phone. In fact, she handed it to me and said, go wild! So I did! Love that girl.

IMG_0569LauraIMG_0566IMG_0572

An older gentleman walked up to us and asked us about one of the exhibits (Max Hooper Schneider’s ‘Transfer Station,’ 2019. Mixed media) and we told him it was interesting and to take a look,

“But it’s a long line. Is it worth it?” Dude, you’re here. Why not?

“Check it out and see,” we said.

Then he said, “Did you check out the big exhibit by McCarthy? Disturbed!”

And it hit me that I sounded like that old man. BLECH!

“Well, it’s art,” I said, “and everyone gets something out of some things,”

What a nonsensical thing to say, but it got me out of the conversation. I mean, I did think it was disturbed, but I was never gonna try and encaspsulate art into something. It’s ART! You don’t have to love it.

We felt the rumble in our bellies and knew the cheese sticks they were passing out weren’t going to do the trick. We left the Hammer and wandered Westwood Village on a Saturday night. How was it possible that everything was closing? It was 9:30!!!! This is a college town! But we ended up at the Napa Valley Grille and as Faye/Poppeacock luck dictates, it was HAPPY HOUR!!!!

Our server was great, the food was delish and the rose was perfect! We played around with various settings on her phone as we finished up. As I went to the restroom, I realized, we were leaving before their posted closed hour, but we were the only people there who didn’t work there. Oops. Time to boogie.

We made our way down Wilshire back to her place. The air was still perfect and roads were still clear.

Getting cultured and shit.

We’re classy like that.

Unmistakable Appeal of the Marvelous

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The other night, I met up with Mads, Zappy and Jazzy at Jones.

It had been a year since we had been there AND before that, it had been way longer.

It was almost a time capsule of our past. But I don’t think of life in those terms. I stay very much in the present, which is why I am the worst at telling you how long ago something happened or what year it did. It all seems like it’s happened a week ago.

Sitting in that booth with the ladies, I realized I had sat here many times. But how many? Who knows?

I feel like I didn’t used to pay attention as much. Or is it that I don’t pay attention now?

Eh *shrugs shoulders

I was happy in the marvelous moment.

Jazzy used to work with some of the bartenders. One of them asked how long she was staying. And as we were leaving, she was like, it’s getting late…I gotta get home.

Then she laughed as she realized he was laughing at her.

When she had worked with them at other places back then (that nebulous BACK THEN), sometimes her shift would START at 10pm.

“Yeah… late” the guy said.

He’s still in that world where time is a different currency from day walkers.

Even if it all still feels the same, sometimes you don’t realize how much things have changed.

But back to the current moment of drinking martinis and sharing in each other’s good news, we laughed, we hugged, we ordered another round. We marveled that the place was still hopping. We thought about the last times we had been there and what was going on in our lives. We talked about people who were no longer in LA, in our lives, or on this earth. I don’t remember how, but a story came up regarding us going to a Stereolab concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

And about how a few days after the concert, Mads gets an email from one of our friends who LOVES Stereolab and is on a certain mailing list or fan site where he saw a photo from the Hollywood Bowl concert.

His email says to her: I think this is you on the left.

She forwards to me.

I have tried to find the photos but the link went dead. Today, however, EUREKA!  I found the photos sans captions.

I will retype (to my best recollection) what was listed on that fan site.

My perfect view…until

head block2

ARGH!

I have to be honest…Mads and I cracked up for a LONNNNNNG time over this.

My hair (or rather, my head) was the butt of a joke. And I was so there for it. Plus, I was loving the highlights.

The weirdest part is that in looking for the photo, I rediscovered my old blog and went down the rabbit hole rereading old adventures last night.

Probably the reason I am exhausted today.

Another time capsule.

We were all single then. We went out almost every night. We were excited by every opportunity because it was a potential for a life we were craving (and also concurrently, living). I wasn’t in the moment then. And I was quite depressed. But damn, I gave all I had to get out of my head with the best adventure buddies.

I was telling Shaka that even though a lot has changed (none of us are single any more and our schedules make it much harder to try and grab dinner even twice a month AND I am no longer living with that sadness), I still get that excitement over my creativity or in collaborating on a project.

I still feel like opportunities are around every corner.

I still like meeting people who cause my world view to shift even ever so slightly.

I still like finding art in the most banal places.

I still like discovering new moments to feel grateful.

I still like reliving fun moments that show where I have been and which spur on where I am heading.

But mostly, I still like funny captions that involve my hair.

 

 

 

Residue from the Cult-of-Personality

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I was a little surprised to be getting a call from Faye the day before we were gonna meet for brunch. We usually text.

I was out running errands and took the call.

“Do you know who Caroline Calloway or Natalie Beach are,” she asks.

I don’t.

She begins to tell me about them.

Caroline Calloway  is an Instagram influencer who has also been accused of scamming her followers for a “Creativity Workshop” that failed. She has been compared to the likes of Billy McFarland (Fyre Festival CEO), but I wouldn’t go that far. Caroline seems to take her critics to the bank as she turns their insults into merchandise. She became Insta-famous for writing longer (bloggish) captions on her IG posts before anyone else was doing that. She had a college friend who was like her invisible, talented, ghost-writer side- kick, named Natalie, who helped write some of those captions. Things were sort of good. Then they weren’t. And the friendship ended. Now Natalie has written an article for “The Cut” and before it came out, Caroline was giving it press in her anxiety of what was to be written.

It did come out. And now, Natalie has a deal with Ryan Murphy for the rights.

Natalie’s side of things

Faye wanted me to read up on it for our brunch the next day so that we could discuss, since we both love all things pop culture, real housewives and social media. It also touched a nerve with regard to fame, friendship and that elusive quality of being IT.

We met at Faye’s and walked to   Loupiotte Kitchen   in Los Feliz. It was HOT outside. Not cool, global warming! (ha literally). These temps lately have been making my eyebrows sweat off. Actually, just one eyebrow. Which is worse, because it looks like I gave 1/2 a shit. It never looks like I put the effort into it that I did. And it definitely never looks like the cool, no make-up/make-up, effortless look the French girls have like   Camille Rowe.

I used to live in Los Feliz but it’s been awhile since I have walked to brunch there. So much has changed (she said with the sort of awe of a person who has been gone from her hometown for ages). Loupiotte was a perfect choice! If I can’t have French style, I can have French brunch. We sat down and ordered our food with a side of the pastries sampling (can you say petit pain au chocolat? YUM) The food came fast and the oat milk latte (you heard me) I ordered was fantastic!

So Faye and I discussed the whole Caroline/Natalie saga as if it were our jobs.

But it began to turn into something much more. We discussed why the story touched a nerve. How, when you’re young (though it’s not only reserved for the young), you are trying to figure out who you are and you find people in your life that spark you. So much of the time, those sparking people are incredibly toxic. Which is why your friends and family scratch their heads wondering what you see in that person.

We pondered are we more a Natalie or a Caroline? Or both? And Faye pointed out that your answer of who you think the villain is depends on your own experience. Were you an alpha or a beta in those relationships? I have been both. I never think of myself as the villain, however I told her that in high school, I wrote so many papers sympathizing with the antagonists that my teachers started to worry for me.

Caroline is pretty. But she’s not the most gorgeous woman you will see. And Natalie describes herself in more understated adjectives, however, from the rare photos, she isn’t unattractive. What makes someone like a Caroline shine, while someone like a Natalie feels sidelined? Privilege plays a role, as do certain influences and experiences from a young age. But really, a lot of it is how you see yourself and value your own worth. We both agreed that neither of us saw either as the villain. But that Natalie’s article almost birthed Caroline into a literary character. Maybe she already was and Natalie captured it. We love messy, complex women. And we also don’t.

Our discussion continued as we talked About how society is training young girls to be strong and speak their minds but that there is always a limit. Who decides that limit? Why do people love an underdog but only to a point? Why do people love to hate/watch social media posts about the wealthy/successful/clever/narcissistic? Schadenfreude is a component, for sure, but I think there are more layers. We opened the vaults to our own experiences with these situations. About giving our power away to people so easily. About our own culpability in those moments. About the lessons we now can say we learned.

Loupiotte was busy. But we seemed to fade into our own world. No one pushed us to leave or hurry up. The vibe in there was lovely. Our discussion rambled into various phases of hypotheticals about social media and devil’s advocate stances to oppose. I hadn’t had that kind of marathon philosophical/social/real world kind of discussion since post-college, I would imagine. Or perhaps when I was high in Palm Springs on one of my many girls’ trips (but who can remember? ah weed).

We met the owner (an effortless French woman) and paid our bill. We continued our discussion walking up Vermont Ave, peering into shops. Once back at Faye’s, we began to talk about other things that were equally important but which we hadn’t given enough time. Then, her cell rang; her mom. My cell rang; my dad. It was strange that we had been talking about youthful experiences and behaviors, only to have our parents tell us it was time to go home and get ready for the week.

Faye looked at her phone to see her IG showed a post of Caroline at Glossier here in LA. We laughed. We have no idea why this girl is interesting. But we follow her anyway. I guess we will continue to try and find the answers. Maybe youtube has a video on it. Don’t mind me while I do some research.